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My wife and I finally started getting along in what has felt like at least a month or more. We were tense around Christmas and with me being off work it hasn't been the best.

It can be difficult because my wife sees this time away from work as a break, which while true isn't exactly it.

Anyhow, she breaks he silence by opening up about her friend whom is in a similar situation as I am, also off work, but she has been long term for like two years with no improvement which has led to he marriage dissolution.

Right still following? Now she sent a series of messages on "Marco Polo" a video message service which allows you to record videos and send them instead of texts. My wife got these late at night and her friend had taken something she said about me personally and put her on blast in the middle of the night.

So now my wife talks to me about it in the morning and we are back and feeling together and connected.

I mention how happy this couple was the other day on the film I watched? I helped her with something she was frustrated with, we just worked together on our day and talked instead of being snarky and it was good.

She told me about some of her concerns from this new safe feeling place and I was able to listen and hear her. We even came up with a way she can sidestep some of our current issues by simply changing what door she returns home to in the evening time.

If she comes to the front door, she wants space and to go upstairs immediately. If she comes in the side door through the kitchen she wants to see us and talk and be social.

Anyhow, I considered the situation and how close her and her friend are. Her friend is deeply depressed. LOVELY PERSON. She is so thoughtful and helpful and such a good cook and baker and so hilarious. She is, however, deeply caught in her own web of thoughts and self-destruction. She and my wife are the best of friends, from childhood and they are extraordinarily tight.

I have been on a rocket ship with my self improvement. Unlike my wife, I have been through thousands of hours of anger management and cognitive behavioural therapy and dialectical therapies, I've gone in inpatient programs at acclaimed facilities in my area. So I have all the background and training to move past my issues if I dump on them and do the work.

It seems to me that my wife and her friend have had a bit of a tiff over me and my wife's perceptions of me and what that means about my wife's view of her friend. Whatever was said caused a distance between them to appear, while her and I became closer.

As I work and improve and move myself away from my old trajectory my family is effected. My wife has a lot of old attachments which will either grow with her or not, but as I move she must follow and those attachments which are no longer serving us will fall away.

I can't tell you how happy it would make me if by somehow becoming well and improving, if somehow I could raise myself out, will these connections save others too? Can they be raised with me?

I would be so happy if I could help her out by simply being the best version of myself.

Jesse Bruce
Jesse Bruce
Feb 21

If you focus on changing yourself, you will indeed change the world more effectively then if you were to try to change others. So the best thing, I've found, is to simply let ourselves and others be. With compassion, patience, truth, integrity, and support, not only do we demonstrate what is good, when they are ready, we also give others the love they need to see what is good for and within themselves.



We all need to begin somewhere. I like to think that since w...


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