Beginnings

In my dream last night I remember a few sights; a dancer who used an exaggerated version of the shimmy to express her reason for making the dance. Also I ran into an old girlfriend's sister. At least I think it was her sister, we'd never met, but it was someone who was intimately knowing what had happened between us and we were speaking about the current situation I am in.

I had this idea that I could somehow win her back and her sister said to me that a big reason we split was indecision. I agreed with her immediately, going so far to say it’s a sickness of the mind.

Now, thinking about it from an awake perspective, that carries a big truth with it. If we allow ourselves to become diluted in our thinking, if we let ourselves become impaired through negative focus, worry; what is the result that awaits us?

Consider all the time spent fretting and worrying over an outcome? This is a bad choice, but it is a choice we make all the time. We choose to put something off or manage it through thought alone. All that invested energy serves who and what? The only person who has access to our thoughts and reasonings in this moment is us. Unless you are vocalizing or communicating something to another person, in which case you must ask yourself, am I trying to change their point of view? Once again, in service of what? To reinforce our own primitive ideas? To alter someone else to control them? Change their mind? Why? It serves nobody because it is impossible. Our ego is in the way again. I digress, all that invested energy is a mental hoop we jump through by ourselves as if we are doing tricks for ourselves.

Eliminate indecisive action from you life. It's the first strategy of war. Make no mistake my friends, life is a war; and you had better identify targets within your own mind and start executions. In your own mind people. Get it together, I'm not writing a manifesto here. Your mind is the battleground and your habitual thoughts are possible terrorists working against you, embedded in the civilian population, unseen.

Those tricky negative self thoughts come at you and disappear only to come back in other times to reinforce themselves, all depending of your attitude and mannerisms of those moments. You've got to wake it up and recognize the diluted nature the bring with them. You will be chained to notions of this or that or the next thing.

Do you think you can astral project if you use this adulterated version of your already weak mind? No my friends; no bro. You need singular focus and presence of will. We cannot find that unless we start the painful process of therapizing ourselves and removing those terrorists (automatic negative thoughts, or ANTs)

If you are ready to do that, get yourself a Cognitive Behavioural therapy book. Get yourself a Dialectical behaviour therapy book. Start doing the journaling. Put the time in and don't be looking around to point your finger at this guy or that thing or what our daddies did to us as a reason. No man. No. The reason you are where you are is all you. Right down to the wood, just accept it all. Let that wash over you for a minute. Don't get indecisive now; you're almost there.

After putting in the years of work to break yourself out of the habitual negative thinking, and after loosing everything and getting tossed in jail and being told you're a danger and not to go near your own kids. After the world conspires against you and a million things are screaming at you to fall back into old patterns and when it almost feels like you might, then make the choice to remain firm. Stay strong, stay the course and then you'll be ready.

What are you going to be ready for? I don't want to spoil it for you, but I'll give you a hint:

Come closer. Lets speak in soft tones and dim these lights a little. Let's remain hushed as we speak of it, because we don't want to be rough with it. This personal moment, this eternally present moment, as your eyes slide over the words you read, it is you. You are this small tip of the spear, driving the bus of life. You choose. You get to direct the show; and hey: You better not yell cut.

Everyone go get your big boy pants on now and tie up those boots. If you're going to try then stick around, do the work you need to. Put the time into what is required of you. How do you know what to do? DECIDE. Just get to it, make some action happen in your life.