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Another early morning. It isn't much after 0400 as I begin to write this. Of course my wife needs to know why I'm up in the middle of the night. A fair question, if it was the middle of the night. I replied "It's morning."

"For who?" her taut response hung for a half second.


I collected a few things and left. It is like very few people get this... My proclivity to write has led me to the worst situations, but I'll never leave it for good. It might be my writing gets noticed for the wrong reasons, but any exposure is good exposure. Right?

Last evening I went to my martial arts class, it was a small group with only 3 of us not including the master. I like the small classes sometimes because we do good movement and we can chat a bit more about techniques and it is generally chiller.

After the class I wasn't feeling like going home right away so I just went to the gym. It was super lovely. I saw one of my bosses from work. I realized how much more in tune we were with my own increase in fitness. I gave him a big hug and told him how good it was to see him. So fantastic. It was a moment after we spoke I ran into another fellow from work. He's a very big fitness buff and the largest most developed physique at work. I felt his gentle giant hug like a warm blanket. So protective.

He had a friend their named Reed who spoke with us as I explained my recent struggles and inquired about the work life. Sadly one of Reed's friends is in a similar position, and he is unfortunately not being paid. I'm one of the lucky few who has a union job, so my pay has been intact and whole since going off in December of last year. Admittedly without overtime and shift differentials or weekend pay... I struggled for a long time with being off, but I finally except it and see the benefit of standing back from stresses.

Well, I'm going to the gym this morning. If my timing is right I'll be home in time to serve my wife her morning coffee, get the kids a breakfast, and deliver the day a knockout blow before the sun gets a chance to lighten the sky fully.

It might seems a hard thing, but making the changes in diet, mindset, and surroundings has really made a big difference. I still get my triggers pulled, but there is only so much which is going to tumble now. Before, with only my family and work filling my time, if either of those were going badly I was off balance.

Now I have my writing which has filled my need in a really great manner. My martial arts which has grown quickly considering my years past affiliations. Gym life, meeting some work friends and some old buddies I hadn't seen in ages. Adding those supports into the framework of life without the need to consider work has been good. My family has supported me and now my emotional stability is so much better than it was before.

Everything does happen for a strict reason. I valid and important reason which we need to respect and push through despite our misgivings. If we can shore up and gird our loins for a single day. A single hour. Do it for one minute. Really do what is in your best interest. You will not be able to stop. There is a generator inside of you, a furnace, a nuclear reactor. It is the most efficient when you use the correct fuel to power it. It also needs to be managed and used or it will fall into disrepair and disuse.

I encourage everyone to adopt a healthy discipline. A correct way of being and working. A code of ethics which can define what you choose. For you, by you. A personally chosen program of deep meaning and undeniable force. Inject that into your body and brain. Let it shock you to a new state of being.

We are not what we think we are. However we are what we choose to think. Take control of that petulant seeker of fantasy and nostalgia. Make a stand now and hold onto what you are and have until you can let it all go and still be here. A pillar of light, shining for all of humanity; I believe in you. Take flight and do it my friend.

Adam "chmuroN" Banasiak


We all need to begin somewhere. I like to think that since w...


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