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Beginnings

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Another good day, with a dumpy evening. I didn't make dinner tonight or do the dishes and.... The wife was pissed. Honestly. She didn't say boo when it came to doing it and I should have said my piece when she got her bitch tone asking for help assembling her cat house. "Can you help me??!"

Of course I scuttled over and basically did it in 5 minutes. I was still engaged with doing other tasks, mainly checking the laundry and helping my son get his dried laundry out of the dryer. She waylaid me on the stairs to inquire "Have you taken the trash out yet? I don't understand what is taking so long!"

I snapped. Legs cut out from under me like I was nothing. All my accomplishments and good deeds for the past week has been shattered. I think she sensed she fucked up immediately because I asked. "You don't understand why....!!!!" I paused. I adopted my unconscious flat survival face and huffed my way immediately outside into the rain to put the trash out, which included dismantling a snow fort I made the kids because the top had melted out. (basically an old arbour I used to cap the whole thing off)

I confronted her later and she said. "I'm sorry I pushed you too far." Which bothered me more. Like is there a certain amount you think you CAN push me? Is this a fucking game? I was pretty trite all night after that. I went to bed early and took two extra strength melatonin. I guess I was snoring too loud because my kid was in bed with me this morning.

I ran into an old friend yesterday though, which was nice. Henry was always my brother, we fell out over what I perceived at the time to be an overcharge of money for a service rendered. I paid it, but was always a little sour. I see now it was my undiagnosed issues, and now that I am past that initial problem (financial insecurity) I really connected with him about things.

We'll maybe get together for a lunch or whatnot today. I think I will look forward to that.

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We all need to begin somewhere. I like to think that since w...

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