Beginnings

I understand now. I really do. It is externalisation; My troubles with my wife. She is incapable, yet, of internalizing her feelings.

She has a running commentary about her situation and what bothers her ad nauseum. It manifests as nagging, and offense and otherwise tons of dirty bathwater which is externally managed instead of her internally dealing with it.

This makes things way simpler. I can easily see this now. "I feel you are upset about the bad sleep you had, right now."

"I feel you are disappointed in me for not having done the dishes before you got home, right now."

Framing her own words within I feel statements and a comment about the present moment is working well.

I am going to continue this. Also, I'm going to try to reduce my swearing. I have been surrounded by crassness my whole life, and think it is time to set it aside. Why use the shock of bad language when honesty and truth lines itself up better with my goals?

I realize change is hard; I think there must be a tension put of a partner of someone who is improving themselves since things begin to change.

I must practice reframing my perceptions to allow others their own speed of advancement, and help where I am able.

Getting too personal about the feelings of others makes me loose my way. I love my wife and I need to let her express herself without the defensiveness all the time!