Beginnings

Tomorrow I am meeting the a children's aid worker. Since I was charged they get involved to see if I'm allowed to see my kids. I'm confident things will go well and I'll get the chance to see them soon. Provided my wife doesn't make issue; I just don't know what she is thinking.

After that meeting I'll be going into town to have a workout with a friend of mine I met at the gym. He's in his 60's and was crippled by a motorcycle accident. He and I connected since I didn't know much about the exercises and he has a tough time racking the weights. We make a good team.

After that I'm picking up a heavy bag stand from my martial arts club. Remember how we were moving the club to the YMCA? Yeah. Now the YMCA is closing. LAME. However, by and by, I do get this sweet heavy bag stand now. Plus I snapped up a few old mats which were of no use to them anymore.

In the evening I'll connect with another friend. We'll have a few drinks and catch up over a hot tub and some dinner. It'll be nice to wash the day clean with some wholesome planned activities.

Today I did my trail blazing again. I extended my rock wall another 20 feet or so. Only another 250 to go; Maybe a little less. It's n a rocky ridge so I'm cutting a path by moving the stones into a wall and laying woodchips along the depression I've created. It is really working out so far. Very comfortable in the areas which I have polished, especially compared to how it was walking without the work.

I really have enjoyed making the trail. It's something that will be here for years and years to come. Perhaps even outlasting me. That feels significant somehow. I think we all crave something to outlast us somehow, to be meaningful after we are gone. I find the work hard, but satisfying. Some of the stones I am moving are hundreds of pounds, well not too much more than maybe 150lbs, because I have a pick axe to break the real big ones up. It's mostly shale, so the rocks don't stand a chance.

I imagine finding some geodes or crystals, but the likelihood of that is pretty slim. The Canadian shield is mostly bedrock, and that is exactly where I am. The flies aren't bad yet with the cool weather, and the ticks haven't come out yet, so the work I'm doing has been pretty clean and easy so far. Relatively speaking, of course; digging in the hillside and laboring rocks isn't the cleanest business.

I spent some time with myself today doing that task. It reminds me of being at work. Gosh I sure do need to get back there. I just want a bit of normalcy, and while making trails and hanging with my mother doing puzzles is all good, I do feel like a bit of a kid. I'm middle aged. This isn't normal.

I'm trying to make the best of a bad situation though. Spending time on wholesome activities and trying my best to advance myself and be calm in the face of such serious body blows is hard. My job loss, my family loss, my dad's health, my martial arts club basically shutting down, my pending court date, this interview with children's aid, my doctor cancelling my appointments and not having my paperwork done meaning my pay is cut off… It all seems a little much. Things were going so well too. … …. I mean, weren't they?

I don't know. It's all up in the air but I suppose that change is the name of the game. No reason to cry about it. It just weighs me down if I let it.