Beginnings

Another court date tomorrow, and I've yet to receive my required documentation. I will likely have another continuance, but here we are again; needing to be patient and contained. I'd say I'm an expert by now, though I know we all have our triggers; I've no shortage of those.

After I'm done writing this I'll phone my work representative to accept the modified work position they have for me starting next week. I can always ask for a day off to attend court for whatever day is decided in a few weeks. Though I do feel trepidatious, moving forward with my work will be of great benefit for me; of that I am sure.

Still, there is something a little galling about being funneled into a system which manages these things, and finding their rules enforcement involves pressing for additional time continually. It feels a lot like my…

I didn't post anything for the past few days, most of my writings have been pretty dark and I didn't really want to share it. I have gone off my meds; I felt that needing to have a nap twice a day wasn't really serving me. It went well, though I did have some dark thoughts. I had my kids with me and it sort of turned things around. It was nice to see them, they don't really understand what is going on with the whole separation thing. They would have stayed tonight, but my oldest  wanted to play his video games and I didn't want to force him to stay.

I felt good being with them and I was a little more active than I had been. Having them around got me hanging out with my parents and the kids more. I got outside and played some games…

Still no word on the courthouse disposition; I had imagined it being available to me but it appears that I'll be waiting a little more. I'm not certain of what it will have inside of it. Are they going to ask me to have a stay in jail? Am I going to be maneuvered into community service? I just don't know.

Somehow not knowing is worse than knowing; It seems like this is a regular thing in my life. Having the unknown hang over me for an extended period of time. It is not my favorite aspect to deal with; I question the occurrence of it in my life. Why is it that it comes up again and again. Haven't I learned enough of this? Am I not patient enough? Don't I express correctly, the feelings which all people do when put in situations like mine? How am I…

I've made my way back home now. The sun is shining and I am in neutral spirits. I napped in the park this morning, which was agreeable; I found it hard to rouse myself and move forward with my day. I listened to an audio book on my drive home, and the time certainly did fly by. I did some minor running around and appointment making, nothing too fancy.

I slept well last night, once again a series of dreams met me with a certain caliber of awareness. It seemed I reasoned my cat should not have been with me and I became lucid.

The dreams were moving. I didn't seem to stand still at all, constantly carrying my cat with me where I went. Most strangely I could not escape the trappings of a physical body. Gravity and solid objects continued to be obstacles.

I've written previously…