Real Answers

I did a lot of shameful things while growing up for reasons that were beyond me. I had insight that was beyond my years and would catch myself thinking things completely out of the boundaries of my broken emotional state. (In my pre-teens I was crushed by a lie from my mom. Normally I could cry for a while and resume my day to day. This time something inside me snapped and I became uncaring for anyone and unwanting of anything beyond my needs to live.) After my younger brother committed suicide I found myself doing a lot of things completely out of the boundaries of who I was. While doing these out of the ordinary things, i felt compelled to continue until the urges were completely gone. Once the urges dissipated I would be in a state of deep depression and remorse for the things I had done and couldn't come up with any reason I would choose to do such things.

I have recently learned that the essence of who I am and the things I want out of life are the same as they were when I first emotionally snapped as a pre-teen. I have no desires, wants, or lustful intentions for anyone or anything in this world and if I didn't have to eat I would never interact with anyone for the rest of my life.

While meditating to empty my body of excess energy, I felt another person's presence in my body. Their energy was stubborn and refused to part willingly, so I had to attack the invading energy in order to clear it from my body. As soon as I cleared the invading energy I felt like I was being attacked by different types of energy from every angle. These attacks carry the emotions of the attacker, a want to control what I was doing, and an expectation of how I was to interact and behave. I was genuinely shocked that this was actually happening and didn't even know that a person could be controlled in such a way. Each energy attacks I fought off allowed me a beirf view of my true self and I was eventually able to sit for a short while free from attacks and examine the truth of myself.

I viewed my uninfluenced aura as a opaque translucent white flame. My emotions non-existent and I didn't feel any of the residual pain I had accepted as normal living pains. I felt completely empty, which felt amazing and in tune with who I am suppose to be. There has never been a time in my life when I was more certain that I was my true and complete, traumatic, self. As the attack began again I was able to keep hold of my consciousness while the attacker would prevent to be me. I was able to evict them, all be it slowly, while attacking them for invading my physical body. I 100% know that some of the energy attacks I was being controlled by were people I know, or have met, physically. While the other attackers where victims of attacks done by an invading energys intentions and desires.

Movies portray being psychic as something awesome or terrifying, but the truth is it's exhausting and painful to no end. Evertime I wake up I will have to be hyper vigilant and examine myself for intruders energy, emotions in general, and any kind of wants. At least it will be easy to tell myself apart from the sheeple.

Wrote a thing.

I am wantless, broken and empty.

The only place I wish to go is neither here or in any astral realm.

Where the three spheres filled me with brilliant light and amazing sensations.

The place I went with I had lungs full of water.

One day perhapse that day will arrive.

I'll exist, eat, pass time until that day arrives.

If by chance I go elsewhere else instead.

I'll accept it as my fate for the life I've led.